


Rather Than Fear

by caterplina



Series: Team Pilot (Round 9 May - 1 September 2017) [10]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Professors, M/M, Pining, Teacher-Student Relationship, like seriously this is all about dongho being lame as he pines for daehwi, lots of pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-16 17:56:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11257980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caterplina/pseuds/caterplina
Summary: Professor Kang Dongho struggles with his feelings for his favorite student.





	Rather Than Fear

**Author's Note:**

> This is not the fic Donghwi deserve, but it's all I was able to write.
> 
> Title taken from the lyrics of Black Pink's Playing with fire: "Because rather than fear / My attraction to you is bigger". If this doesn't scream Donghwi, nothing else does.
> 
> Dedicated to tlist ^_^

“Are they friends now?”

Dongho hears the murmur follow him as he walks Daehwi to his class, holding the younger guy’s books; he offered after Daehwi whined, claiming his wrists hurt, when they ran into each other in the hallway. Dongho, instead of carrying the books, would have taken Daehwi’s hands in his and rubbed his thumbs over the hurting wrists.

When Daehwi, who is a step ahead of him, turns back with red cheeks to check if Dongho is still following him, his smile makes Dongho tighten his hold on the books.

There’s another whisper. “It kinda looks like they’re dating, though.”

Dongho’s neck snaps as he glares at the source. Ong is hiding his laugh behind his hand, but Kang makes no attempt to do so. Menacingly, he mouths, “I’ll kill you in your sleep,” at the two of them.

“I don’t wanna be late.” Daehwi hurries him in such a soft way it makes Dongho walk faster and step by his side.

When they reach the classroom, Daehwi takes his books, thanking him with his sweet voice. Dongho’s heart tells him he’s expecting something else, but Daehwi doesn’t do anything more than subtly letting their fingers touch. It feels good, but it’s a bit disappointing.

“You’re so whipped,” comes a voice from his side.

Jonghyun is leaning against the wall, with his very knowing smirk.

Dongho watches Daehwi take a seat in the classroom. “I know. This sucks.” He walks up to Jonghyun. “I thought things were going to be better after he stopped being my student and being scared of me.”

“Aren’t they? At least, he doesn’t hide from you anymore. He actually stays and talks,” Jonghyun comments.

Not only that. Daehwi also smiles at Dongho, and it’s as bright as when he smiles at other people. Whenever that happens, Dongho asks himself if everyone else’s heart speeds up like his, or if everyone else falls a little deeper for Daehwi. He hopes not.

“Oh! We’ve lost him.” Minhyun laughs at him. It doesn’t sound obnoxious but it does get on Dongho’s nerves. Before he can reply or threaten to hurt him, Hyunbin comes, clearly having followed the other two, as always.

“I think it’s cute. I hope one day he’ll reciprocate your feelings, professor.” Hyunbin always sounds so optimistic. Dongho pats his shoulder, thanking him.

“As much as I’d love to stay and chat, I have a class to teach,” he tells them all before turning away.

“Try not to seduce any more students,” Minhyun says quietly, but it’s loud enough for Dongho to hear it. He loses his step and stumbles forward, catching himself in time. He turns around to glare at them. While Minhyun and Jonghyun look very pleased with his reaction, Hyunbin waves innocently at him.

Dongho wants to reply, to argue back that he’s never seduced a student. Lee Daehwi just… wanted extra homework, so he would knock on Dongho’s office. Dongho stills remembers how small Daehwi seemed whenever he crossed the door, with his head shyly lowered. It made Dongho want to offer him all the help he needed. Daehwi always respected office hours, coming to ask questions and ask for more work. It was commendable. Dongho now wonders how he went from admiring the young, driven boy to falling for him. Where did he miss a step?

When he walks to his classroom, he finds all of his students already in their seats. The one where Daehwi used to sit two years ago is empty. It’s too close to Dongho, so the students avoid it. Daehwi seemed very scared of him but he always dared to talk in class, talk to Dongho, hand in his assignments first, anything that made him pass his class with the highest grades. Dongho smiles at the empty seat, reminiscing about his favorite student.

After Daehwi passed the class, though, he stopped contacting Dongho. Whenever they ran into each other, the young student would turn around and speed walk somewhere else. It hurt Dongho, but it made sense. Daehwi didn’t need him anymore.

As he teaches the same Introduction to Sociology class he’s taught for the last four years, as he answers the same questions he gets every year, the lesson passes quickly. He bids his students goodbye. A girl stays back to ask him for a complementary reading. She’s really pretty and her shy smile is very sweet, but she’s not Lee Daehwi. He promises he’ll email her the link to the digital version of the book and she bows before leaving him alone again.

His office is not empty. Jonghyun sits on his chair twirling around and enjoying himself. 

“I expected Daehwi to be here waiting for you,” his friend says when he sees Dongho walk in.

“Would’ve been better than you,” Dongho mutters under his breath.

“Yeah, I know. Stop sulking.” Jonghyun stops moving and stands up. He walks up to Dongho “You’re getting more and more obvious.” It sounds like a warning, that makes Dongho’s eyes open wide. “Don’t worry. It’s not a big deal.”

“I…”

Jonghyun doesn’t smirk this time; he doesn’t look smug. Dongho can see the pity in his eyes. “He’s about to graduate, isn’t he?” Dongho nods. “Just wait for a little longer.”

Dongho snorts. “A little longer and he’ll be gone. Who knows where he’ll get a job, if I’ll see him again.”

“Hyunbin would pout at you for being so pessimistic. The kid likes you.”

“Hyunbin?” Dongho asks confused.

Exasperated, Jonghyun slaps the back of his head, as if they were kids in middle school and not college professors. “No! Daehwi. He would still run from you if he didn’t like you a little bit.”

Dongho purses his lips, remembering the first time Daehwi didn’t hide, but stood in place and greeted him, asking him how he was. _How are your classes going, professor Kang?_ , he’d asked and Dongho almost choked on his coffee, not expecting a conversation with his past student. He could see Daehwi’s ears turning red as he asked. It was one of the most endearing things Dongho had ever seen. From then on, they’ve randomly chatted in the hallways. But never again in Dongho’s office.

“I have essays to grade. No time for needlessly hopeful conversations.” He pushes Jonghyun out of the door. “Goodbye. Go back to Hyunbin and Minhyun…” He narrows his eyes. “You can’t judge me for liking a student.”

Jonghyun shrugs. “He’s never been _my_ student.”

Shaking his head, Dongho closes the door and heads back to his desk. He doesn’t even get to sit when there’s another knock.

“Get lost, Jonghyun!” He yells from behind his desk, plopping down on the chair.

“Uhm… professor Kang?”

It’s his voice. 

Dongho scrambles to sit straight and calls him in. As the door opens, he rubs his hands on his pants, trying to hide the nerves from showing.

Daehwi stands at the door with an unsure smile on his face. In the past, he used to look at Dongho from under his eyelashes; nowadays he stares straight at him. When Dongho welcomes him with a crooked smile, Daehwi’s blooms into a beautiful grin. He feels chained to Daehwi’s soul. Whatever the guy feels or shows, it replicates in Dongho.

“Can I help you with anything, Daehwi?” He offers, forcing his voice to not shake.

“Your office hours are still the same…” The student comments.

“Take a seat.” Dongho gestures at the chair in front of his desk.

When Daehwi sits down, it’s a familiar sight. The student would always lower his head, ask quietly for help and when Dongho explained things to him, Daehwi’s eyes would stay on the desk, or the book they were talking about. He was and still is a very smart guy. This time, Daehwi’s eyes stay on Dongho’s, as he worries his lower lip. It brings Dongho’s attention to the student’s mouth. He quickly sets his eyes on his laptop’s screen.

“Why did you come here?” It sounds harsh with Dongho’s deep voice. But Daehwi doesn’t flinch.

“I’m going to be graduating soon.” Dongho nods; his fingers stay over the keys of his laptop. “As you know I’m majoring in Anthropology, but for this last semester I can pick classes from other areas. So I was wondering if I could take another sociology class.” With those words, Dongho lifts his head again. Daehwi’s eyes are wide, expecting something from Dongho. 

“Which ones are you interested in? I can guide you.”

The thankful smile on Daehwi’s lips makes Dongho melt. “I was thinking of Social History of Korea.”

“Oh…” Minhyun’s class. The disappointment must be clear in his voice, because Daehwi covers his mouth. His eyes seem brighter. “Professor Hwang is really good. You’ll enjoy his classes.”

“But I was also considering… Political Sociology.” Daehwi watches him carefully.

“That’s… uhm… that’s good. You know how I teach.”

“The thing is…” The hesitance in Daehwi is killing him. He wants to hurry him up, make him say whatever he wants to say straight up. With any other person, Dongho would lose his patience. “I want to apply as a T.A. for Contemporary Anthropological Theories and the schedule would overlap with your class. I’m not sure what I should do, Professor Kang,” the student explains pulling his sleeves over his hands.

“Dongho.” It escapes his mouth before he can stop himself. It’s too late to take it back. Daehwi’s mouth falls open. “Just call me Dongho.” Before Daehwi can say anything else, he asks, “Why do you want to become a T.A.?”

“So I can stay and work here at the university,” he replies shyly.

Dongho’s heart jumps in his chest. Daehwi wants to stay.

“Then, I think that would help you more, academically, than taking my class.”

“I was looking forwards to taking one of your classes again, professor‒ I mean, Dongho.” 

As he says it, Daehwi looks unbelievably cute. His lower lip seems to be out, as if he were pouting. It almost pulls a whine out Dongho. He places his hands on the edge of the desk, gripping tightly to stop himself from standing up and pulling the student into his arms.

“It’s fine. You’ll enjoy Professor Hwang’s classes.”

Every moment Dongho spends with Daehwi feels like a challenge. He struggles to keep himself in check. Even if Daehwi is an adult who’s about to graduate, the age difference makes Dongho question everything he feels for him.

“You’re an excellent student, Lee Daehwi. I miss you in my lessons.” He blurts out.

Daehwi starts blushing, first his ears, then his cheeks; it creeps on him and soon covers his entire face, which he covers with both hands.

“Thank you, Professor.”

Daehwi leaves afterwards, a short bow as he stands up. To Dongho, it feels like an unanswered confession.

The answer never comes. Daehwi starts the new semester and Minhyun keeps him updated on the student’s life, always with a smug smile. Jonghyun and him enjoy getting all types of reactions out of him. _You’re a love sick puppy,_ Jonghyun said to him once. It’s true, when he looks at Daehwi from afar, Dongho feels like walking up to him and ask him if he needs help with his books. But Daehwi stays far from him, hiding again, running away.

“You’ve never looked more miserable, Kang,” a different voice tells him.

Ong walked into his classroom while the students were leaving.

“What do you want, Ong? Don’t you have another _Kang_ to bother?” It’s hard to be nice when all Dongho feels is exhaustion. He wants the semester to end so he can rest for an eternity.

“The other Kang is busy, teaching his own class,” Ong replies casually, as he leans against Dongho’s desk. He feels like pushing him away. “I came to see you. I’ve got news that will interest you, Kang.” He wiggles his eyebrows.

Dongho folds himself in his seat, placing his forehead on the cold, hard wood of his desk. “It better be good,” he mutters.

“Lee Daehwi was accepted to stay as a T.A. for another semester.” Dongho lifts his head at that.  
“Also, he’s got a scholarship for a Ph.D. You’re gonna keep seeing his face. And he’ll no longer be a undergraduate.”

Dongho sighs, rubbing his face. “Sometimes I wonder how many people around me know of my little crush on the boy.”

Ong’s laugh is extremely annoying to Dongho’s ears. He does push him away from his desk.

“Not many, to be honest. Only those that are a little observant… And Lee Daehwi himself.”

For the first time in years, Dongho feels his own cheeks heating up. It doesn’t happen often. He lowers his head and pretends to focus on a book he opens on his lap, hoping Ong won’t notice it or he’ll never live it down.

“Thanks, Ong,” he mumbles.

“No problem, Kang.” There’s a pat on his shoulder and then the door closes.

Dongho starts taking deep breaths. Just thinking about seeing Daehwi not as undergraduate anymore makes him feel giddy, for many reasons. Surprisingly, the main reason is pride. He feels proud of the boy for doing so well in his classes that he got a scholarship. Maybe he should contact him to congratulate him. The only thing stopping him is that Daehwi knows how he feels, so it might be awkward, and he might misinterpret Dongho’s real intentions.

He unlocks his phone and opens the e-mail app. It’s so easy to type Daehwi’s name to see his contact pop up. A few words and they would re-connect.

Dongho lets his phone fall on the desk with a groan. Quickly, he picks up all of his stuff and heads back to his office. Luck follows him as he runs into no one. He checks the clock to see his office hours have started. 

_Your office hours are still the same..._

Dongho smiles at no one. How can Daehwi fill the empty space in his office without even being there? He turns on his laptop to grade a few essays he’s got left.

There’s a soft knock on his door.

“Come in,” Dongho welcomes today’s curious student, without lifting his head.

Someone clears their throat at the door. It’s a sound that Dongho’s never related to that person, but he’d recognize it anywhere.

Daehwi looks unbelievably pretty this time. Dongho doesn’t know when he dyed his hair dark brown, but it fits him perfectly. It makes his hair look soft, giving Dongho the urge to run his fingers through it. He grips his pants under the desk tightly, before he embarrasses himself.

“Daehwi, it’s been a while.” He controls his voice to not make it sound bitter.

The student smiles and bows in greeting. “Good afternoon, professor.” Not Dongho. “Your office hours are‒”

“Still the same,” Dongho finishes for him, making Daehwi grin.

“Can I…?” He asks, gesturing towards the chair in front of the desk.

“Sure,” Dongho replies quickly, moving his laptop to the side. As soon as Daehwi sits down, he adds, “I heard about the scholarship. Congratulations!”

“Thank you, Professor.”

There are a few moments of silence that Dongho doesn’t know how to fill.

“Prof‒”

“Dae‒”

“You first,” they both say at the same time.

“Daehwi.” Dongho decides to speak first. “Is it… Do you‒ Would you…?”

Daehwi covers his mouth to hide the smile on his face and Dongho berates himself for being so obvious.

“Are you still afraid of me, Daehwi?” He decides to talk about something else, since he can’t seem to overcome his awkwardness to ask him out.

Quickly, Daehwi shakes his head. “I never was, Professor.” He bites his lip as he looks down at his hands. He’s fidgeting, rubbing his hands nervously. It makes Dongho feel better about his own nerves.

“Then, why did you always hide from me?” There’s a whine coming out in his voice. The image of a scary and mean professor is gone in an instant. Maybe, for Daehwi, it never existed.

“I… I wasn’t afraid of you. I was afraid of you finding out how I really felt, Professor.”

Dongho’s heart starts singing inside of him. He’d like to rub his chest and tell it to calm down. This doesn’t mean anything. He shouldn’t get his hopes up. “And… How do you really feel?”

“How do _you_ feel, Dongho?”

He takes a deep breath. “In case it wasn’t clear, Daehwi, I like you.” It takes a lot of bravery to say it out loud and in front of him. Dongho mentally pats himself on the back for that.

Daehwi’s mouth falls open; it makes him look endearing. Dongho would like to stand up and pull him into his arms. But he knows how intimidating he looks.

“Uhm… I… Oh, god!” Daehwi covers his mouth, leaving his wide eyes still exposed. He leans back in his chair, starts sliding down.

“Are you‒?” Dongho starts to ask.

“OH, MY GOD!” Daehwi cries out suddenly, letting his hands fall. “I’ve had the biggest crush on you since the first class. Oh, my! You’ve always looked so manly and sexy with your thick eyebrows and rolled up sleeves… I shouldn’t have said that!” He covers his mouth again. He starts turning red.

That gives Dongho a lot more confidence, as he lifts an eyebrow. “So you think I’m sexy?”

“Please, forget I said that. Let’s stick to the crush thing.” Daehwi starts giggling. “This is so embarrassing,” he mumbles.

“No. I think it’s adorable,” Dongho tells him. “So… Now that you’re not longer an undergraduate… Can I take you out on a date?”

Shyly, Daehwi nods. “I can’t believe this is real,” he says, looking straight at him in awe.

“Why? Wasn’t I too obvious?” Dongho starts feeling a lot more relaxed.

“Not really. At times, it looked like it. But most times I felt you just were being a kind professor…” Daehwi replies. “...Which is what I liked about you,” he adds quietly. “You look scary but you’re actually really nice to your students.”

“I’m also sexy, right?”

“Please, don’t!” Daehwi whines and leans forward hiding his face between his arms on his lap.

Dongho can’t help but laugh. “Let’s have our first date after your graduation, okay?” He sees Daehwi’s head move in a nodding motion. “Until then, we can’t do anything publicly.”

“It’s okay,” Daehwi tells him when he lifts his head back up, still blushing. “I can wait.”

And the way he grins then makes Dongho think back on all the time he’s spent pining for Daehwi. It hurt to fall for a student like this, but Daehwi looks beautiful right now, happy and excited. He’ll look just as beautiful on his graduation day and on their first date. And then, Dongho will be able to pull him into his arms, to rub his wrists if they hurt, to kiss his pretty lips if he wants to. He’ll be able to love Daehwi freely. And maybe one day, he’ll be able to tell him that it’s love what he feels.

**Author's Note:**

> Dongho is whipped and I love it.
> 
> Come talk to me on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/caterplina).


End file.
